I feel for a lot of these stories. I hope everyone who has been hurt will heal quickly and find someone that they deserve.
My breakup story...
This guy fought long and hard to be with me. He wanted to be the one who would make me happy and once I accepted, things couldn't be better. Every where we went, people would notice how much we cared for each other. Even random people in elevators would stop and tell us how 'cute' we were.
For 4 years it was all sunshine, no hint of a cloud in the sky. We only had one huge fight, but it only made us stronger. Since the beginning, no matter what, I received a good morning, good night text, pics, how are you, funny videos and memes. He gave me full access to his phone and social media accounts. I didn't even ask for any password but he said he had nothing to hide.
Then after the 4 yr mark, the sun was gone. All of a sudden, his phone had a lock and he never left his phone. Not even for a sec. I was waiting for a moment to find out what was the reason behind it. For the first time in the relationship I felt like shit. Every time I asked him why he is so distant lately, he said everything is fine. He is just stressed out and busy with work. I wanted to give him time. I never knew what people meant by "go with your gut feeling" until now. I knew something was wrong.
One day, I was sleeping over his house and he left in the morning for band practice at church. Once I heard his car disappearing in the distance I immediately noticed he left his iPad. I grabbed it, turned it on, went on fb….His fb account was logged off. Dang! In all the years he told me his password, out of respect, I told him not to tell me. I didn't care to know, but now I regretted it!
I go on his xbox, everything is logged off….What now, I'm looking all over his room, I notice he left his backpack which carries his laptop. I opened it, his fb account was logged on. Finally! I saw his messages and there it was. He was talking with this girl.
I know this girl. I met her a couple times before. She was the same girl that my ex just recently gave a job to. It’s also the same girl that he told me, his friend had a major crush on. He was helping them hook up. We even went on double dates.
But from the messages, it looked like he wasn’t really helping his friend. Instead he was helping himself. I read almost all of their conversations. It was so hard to read because I couldn’t stop crying and shaking. This is where the good nights and good mornings have gone to, all of the compliments and cute emojis. In the messages, I was looking for words like,“sex", "kiss", "cuddles”. But the only thing I read was a lot of “making me blush”,“come sneak in through the back”, “I’ll be there in a few min”. Not once had he mentioned to me that he was going out with some ‘friend’ to lunch. If he had, it would have been fine but he was hiding it.
I immediately ran out of the house, I felt so shattered, so confused. He kept calling me, asking what was going on. I eventually answered and told him to start explaining everything! He was completely shocked that I found out. But he proceeded to explain, very quietly and kind of vague. Everything he said made a lot of sense, and I felt like the bad guy. This girl was homeless so he gave her a job. She doesn’t have much money so he buys her food when they work. She also has no family and very few friends so he was lending an ear. It all sounded so innocent.
After all that, my ex promised that he would never be alone with her and their relationship would be kept at a minimal. If this girl needed anything, then we both would help her out. I thought things would be back to normal, he would be himself again. But no…
A few days later, I text him, “Whats up”, he said he was just going out to get lunch. Literally, a few min later, his mom texts me… “Grace, he is sneaking ‘the girl’ into the house again. Once they saw me, they left. She is not welcome into my house and never will be! What they are doing is wrong!”
Are you kidding me!? I couldn’t focus on my work, I was devastated, I couldn’t breathe. Once again my trust was broken. I left in the middle of my project to call him. He answered and was sorry and said that I needed to understand that this girl needs help. Freaken A! I was trying so hard to be understanding! I was so mad he was giving her everything.
After all that, one day he was at my house and his phone kept receiving messages. I saw it was from her. I asked if I can see them. He flipped out asking, “are you always going to be like this?!”.
I wasn’t going to let it go anymore. I said I needed to see them. He literally threw his phone at me. I didn’t care, I just wanted the truth. Before I opened it, I asked him what I would find. He got so quiet and finally said it. He said he kissed her. And for the past few weeks he has been sleeping in her car to keep her safe…His mom found out that he shared his bed with her so his mom kicked her out. His mom told the girl that she will never be welcomed to her home. She also told him, to make sure that he tells me what happened. But of course he didn’t, until now.
At that point, I felt like someone just stabbed me. I was so numb. I was so grossed out that his lips and bed were shared with someone else. We talked all night, didn’t sleep, I kept asking him questions because I just couldn’t understand. He couldn’t even answer them. He cried too, felt sorry, but at that moment I knew it wouldn’t be the same. I fought for him, gave him options, asked what he wanted. He didn’t know. He left.
For a few days I heard nothing from him. No text, no call. I get an email explaining a few things. He said it was over. He told he, he didn’t know who he was anymore. He gave me the whole, "its not you, its me" speech. Lots of excuses. But what hurt the most was that he said that right now he wont try to date the girl because then everyone will know he left me for her. Wow….he was still holding on to his image.
Eventually his friend, that had the crush on her, found out and it was a huge mess. With my family, his family, his church, friends and work. After all the drama, I did get one random text from him saying that he is so depressed. Everyone knows about what happened and everyone that he knows hates him now. He tried to commit suicide.
Month later he finally returned my things from his room. Along with the biggest bouquet of flowers I have ever seen and a sorry letter. I threw the flowers away.
I thought love would make things better. I wanted to fix everything and work at it. But you need both partners to make it happen. Looking back, I can’t believe I was so stupid. I can’t believe I lowered my standards for this person.
I remember hearing somewhere that the grass isn’t greener on the other side. The grass is greenest where you attend to it the most.
Grace KeysI Just Got Dumped September 07, 2016 at 10:42 am00 700